JULIE

AKERLY

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    Every other day has just been one of those days. It is not easy to feel hurt or angry if you cannot remember. In Eyeballz and Honey, Julie Akerly remembers. She remembers what it feels like to be looked at, to be touched, to say no, to submit. She tries to give herself the option to take up space, to be heard, and to RAGE. She uses her body to remember what it feels like, she uses her voice to scream, and she uses imagery as a reminder that she is not alone.

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    Eggshells and Honey

    December 22 @ 7 & 8:30pm

    Mesa Arts Center, Acting Studio
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    Creamed Honey
    by Ada Mcartney

    I am reduced to a shaking

    carcass of catharsis watching Julie

    move. Eroticized vulnerability,

    finger painting with honey.

     

    I felt a waterfall of shame since—

    I felt the panic of hurt un-changed since—

    Felt aching hard against this

    whole disembodied mess.

     

    Tangled web of neon fuzzing on screen. That scream.

    Every dream that tightens the screws pinning my jaw.

    At once. How to get used to performing

    calculated triage on phantom limbs.

     

    Just GET UP. Get the FUCK UP.

    Ignore the break. Beat drum—

    Bait. Isolate. Manipulate. Learn to

    submit before it even hits— Shit.

     

    Chained to a pile of bricks.

    Couldn’t see. Drip, drip.

    Focus shift until it

    pulls out.

     

    Like how we titter at a double entendre.

    Like being anxious of touch. Craving nothing but—

    Hug / Handshake / Fist Bump / Failure / Grace.

    How to begin to create, again, from this place

    when every other one is one of THOSE days.

    How to come through after becoming afraid

    of this unbalanced vessel dancing in foamy waves.

    Like how we have come to be

     

    stretched across disjointed hemispheres

    all the complexities of healing sear.

     

    Feel every layer that you add or peel away.

    For every “no” that means “no” at least three mean “yes”.

    Undress in a dream where it feels good to touch and be touched—

    Then, I wake up.

     

    Written on 9/25/17 after attending a work-in-progress showing of Eyeballz and Honey

    LFA For(u)m

    October 4, 2017

    I'm getting ready to show a version of Eyeballz & Honey at the LFA For(u)m that was commissioned by Local First Arizona. Creating the work I am always battling with what it is to remove elements of your work to make it publicly accessible (mostly profanity, and persona...

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